I feel it is not easy to pen the experiences of life especially when it comes to writing about loved ones who are no more.

When my wife died, so overwhelmed was I at the thought of committing suicide that I was seized by this overpowering longing to stay there with her ‘forever’. It was there; in that moment of finality, that I learned that if we are to live ourselves, there comes a point at which we must let go of the dead, let them go, keep them dead. Let their bodies disintegrate into dust and fuel the never-ending flow of life. Let them become a picture by our bedside.  

The streets of Delhi for me are littered with memories of half-lived yesterdays. The day my wife died, I realized that in spite of my claims that I had made to myself, her memory had not withered within me with the passage of time. 

There was a time, when I felt that everything could be explained. Now that I have grown older, I can see how untrue it would be, if I claim that I have been able to tell you the story of my life with my wife.  

It is an opening to amazement. 

In a village somewhere in Africa, when a storyteller comes to the end of his tale, he places the palm of his hand on the ground and says, "I put down my story here." Then he adds, "So that someone else may take it up another day." 

My wife died in an accident at a very young age of 30. It happened without any warning. I received the phone call of the accident and my life turned up side down. Only one hour back, she was talking to me on phone and I was told NOW that she is no more. 
 

I jumped in my car and drove to her work. Walking up the stairs of her office building, I was praying she'd still be there, working late. I began crying as I walked down the street looking into establishments. I looked into Sacred Grounds Coffeehouse, full of wooden tables and chairs. My chest began to ache as if it suddenly had a gaping hole and things were being sucked out.  

We had a bond after all. Everything about me said crumbling; I could feel it. Other coffee drinkers could see it. Only my fingers could muster enough strength to beckon her out. My arms were paralyzed. I didn't understand. She had loved me for years. She would love me forever. She loved me last week; we fantasized about renting the cute little house in DLF. My chest began heaving as if the hole was about to triple in size and disintegrate my entire body. My eyes flooded my view. Through the blur, I could see a police car and a ambulance across the street, that’s the place where accident was happened. 

Stumbling as if shot, I began crossing the street. A car screeched to a halt, nudging my thigh, and forcing my hand onto its hood. The driver's wide eyes shocked me into motion. Almost tripping, I reached the place. 

I hoped and prayed she would be fine and my nightmare would end. 

Then I saw her  

The reality hit me very hard, I called my brother. I hoped and prayed he would be home, because people never are anymore. The phone rang three times. One more time and it would go through to voice mail.

"Hello?"

"Manu. Oh. God. Manu it's, so terrible. I...I...I... need help." "Jay, what happened? Did someone die?? Where are you?? You have to stop crying and tell me where you are.

Where are you?? You have to stop crying." I was crying in convulsions. I couldn't stop crying enough to speak more than two words at a time.  

"Ann Died.  Snot was pouring out of my nose faster than tears were coming out my eyes. A thick man, a policeman, was standing on my left. I wasn't sure how long he'd been there. "Sir, are you all right?" 

"No. I'm having. The worst. Day my life," I cried at him. He bothered me. I wanted him gone. My crying continued to come in heaves and make it difficult to get the comfort I wanted from Maya. "Sir, please step away from the phone."

I didn't need him. He shouldn't exist. And now there was another policeman to my right. "I'm trying talk. Please leave. Me alone," I pleaded. Manu was listening. The policeman took the phone from my hand. He stole my respirator. 

He tried to explain the accident to Manu. The other tried to talk to me. "If you want to help. Get my wife. Out of that ambulance. 

"Your brother will come down and get you," said the policeman on the phone. It was the worst thing he could have said. 

I loved Ann dearly. "She's not going to come, she is no more," he said. Then he sat me on a bench. Before letting me sit, he patted me down. 

Through my smeared vision. I could see passerby's watching, but I was too screwed-up to care. I sat there sobbing, wringing my hands, shaking my foot and rocking myself. 

I had to face the reality 

Ann's spirit had moved out. 

I had to finally accept the fact that Ann has walked out of my life forever. 

The power of grief deranges the human mind. 

Two years passed but my life was shattered. 

My task was cut out – I have to take control of my life and I had no clue that how I am going to accomplish this task and then I got the lucky break.

As I was preparing to board the plane to fly to Delhi after one of my business trip, I noticed a group of Indian monks who were in line to board the plane. I thought this fortunate enough. Little did I know that I would end up sitting next to a delightful monk named Anubudhha who was traveling to Delhi for a meditation retreat that his spiritual master is conducting this week?

He slept for most of the flight, but towards the end he leaned over and in a quiet voice asked me about my trip. We started talking and very quickly the conversation turned into a discourse on Buddhism. He did most of the talking, as I still know very little about the topic. His discourse was simple and true. He spoke of compassion and mindfulness in ways that, even though his English was broken, communicated profound insights to me. What he said though was not so important as the way he said it. There was a quiet calm in him, which was distinctive of peace.

I told him about my life, about Ann and her accident. I ended up the conversation by telling him that I want to be in charge of my inner world but don’t know how to achieve it can he help?

He simply said, “Meditate”

As we descended into Delhi, he told me of his life, about his spiritual guru and how he had become a monk at the age of 14. The way he held himself, the gentle way he touched my hand to illustrate a point, and the manner that he engaged me in simple and direct talk left me speechless at points.

Later on, He was the one, who introduced me to Swami Satyanand. My spiritual guru introduced, open soul meditation to me. 
 

Beginning of an exciting adventure – which lasted for three months.

By the end of three months of rigorous exploration, I prepared a blue print to manage my inner world.

Meditate – the Guru had said.

I learned and started doing open soul meditation on daily basis. It was difficult to start to meditate in the beginning, because I did not have the motivation to do so, and I (my mind) felt the need for proof of the benefits of meditation before I begin. I told my mind clearly that the best proof I can gather is through my personal, direct experience. It is good to read about other people's experiences, but it is much better to gain first hand experience. I approached meditation with interest and love and gradually developed the patience and persistence necessary for success. After practicing for some time I could see how my inner peace level grew, and situations that previously caused me worry and tension lose their power to affect me. I found that physical, emotional and mental tensions gradually start to diminish, and the door to peace of mind opened for me.  

I can say with my own authority – 

Open Soul Meditation is the antidote for tensions, fears and worries that most people go through. Its accumulated effects make it easier to stay calm under difficult situations, and thus get over them or steer away from them. It gives not only peace of mind, but it also increases inner strength, will power and self discipline. It is an important tool for a happier and more relaxed life for everyone, no matter where he lives and what he does.

Open Soul Meditation is a great tool not only for the seeker after spiritual awakening and enlightenment, but for the ordinary person who wishes to live a calm and peaceful life and to preserve his sanity. It bestows the ability to be free from tension and unnecessary thinking, and opens the door to happiness and peace of mind. In its higher levels it opens the door to spiritual awakening.  

I know millions of people are suffering because of n numbers of problems and I feel very proud to be a part of the team of Soulnpeace.com. I genuinely believe that through our website, we can reach millions of people and help them in leading happier and peaceful life.